I open my mouth. Tongue frozen as the thoughts did not translate to spoken words. The tinkle in her black eyes gone, her dark skin got lighter as she gripped her arms against her torso. She grimaced and cut her eyes. I step forward, she drifts backward. Eyes potent on me, I hold my head straight as I steady myself.
“You…” She starts.
I interject, “Darley, listen to me. I understand you love him but I mean why not? You complain of him all the time, so why not move on.”
Looking away from me, she slit her eyes away from me in tandem with her desire to not see any more of me. As if it was that easy as if she would pick me over him. Over seven years, they been together and yet here I was languishing in pain. The pain only I knew.
”Stop asking me that.”
“I have to, because I love you.”
She stares at me with a morph in her face indicating disgust. Closing her eyes briefly she exhaled before she spoke.
“You do not love me Edie.”
“So wait, he loves you! ….and is cheating on you with half the neighborhood.”
She pushes past me, seeing her back, her frame, slim and alluring striding towards the door of my apartment. Should I not stop her?
What was the point, it was not like she cares about me. But I care about her. The door opens, I acknowledge how much I hate myself. Turning I jog and reach just in time to shut the door in front of her.
“Edie let me leave.”
She utters stepping some distance from me.
I utter, “Hold on…”
“Edie it is pointless.”
“My love for you is not pointless.”
“You being very romantic.” She says slow and bitingly.
I stare at her incredulously. Sighing I lean on the door as I consider the next thing I want to say. Which in this case is almost nothing at all, there was really no right way to go about this. Not one I could think of.
Peering at me, her eyes were deep and probing. Standing in her black dress, the brown stripes accompanied the slim majestic body. Averting my eyes I tried to focus on my thoughts what should I say?
With nothing except time in my corner, all the pain I felt for a woman who did not love me.
“It is funny, we are alike.”
“Edie, you’re my friend that is…”
“No not like that. I mean you love him and do not want to let him go. I love you but do not want to let you go either.”
Darley shuffled a bit in her stance.
“When you look at me, you feel nothing. I know, but I wanted you to know how I felt.”
Was this the right thing to say? I was not sure, she originally came here to me. Like she always does to hang with her childhood friend from so long ago, Edie was his name. To lament the problems she faced, the accomplishments she had.
She could not confide in women, especially when they would likely become her boyfriend’s next target. Me, I had that privilege and it killed me.
Swaying her head downward, “We cannot be friends anymore.”
I stare at her as if madness slapped me for fun. She could not be serious.
She jumped in, “It would make no sense, I would only be causing you more pain if we…..continue this pretense of a friendship. So I am…letting you go….releasing you…I…”
“Whoa, whoa, forget it. Alright, forget I ever said that. I do not want to lose you. I will stay by your side no matter how long. I can handle it.”
She squints her eyes at me, a smile? I quiver in anticipation.
“You give up so easily…”
Give up so easily, what was that suppose to mean?
“Wait, you sa…What do you want me to do?” I ask in vain.
“I do not know what I want!”
Both of us, stood there wondering what could be said next. What was there left between us, except the brutal landscape we could traverse.
“I know what I want,” I said admittedly.
“I know,” Darley says.
We stare at each other and around us.
“Edie let me go, I will call you later.”
Defeated, I move. The door opens, she paused beyond the edge. Face razed with warmth as her hand moved across the right side of the door stump. She smiled at me then.
“Answer the phone when I call you ok?”
She left, standing there I glance around earnestly. I finally told her, I expected something different. Guess that cake I cannot eat but she still had me, I can only wait for that call.