Between the concrete laid floor of the halls leading from the sun burnt rooms were classrooms, I step onto the scene.
She was some distance from me, her eyes cut through me and left from my skinny frame focusing on anything else that was not me. Well, I had to accept that it was just as well you would hate me.
Under the dimming sun, the mass of bodies direct their selves towards the only gate of the institution. Water flooded and splashed as the boys were at the pipe, washing their faces vigorously before they leave.
Girls in chatter, the chorus of all of us exceeded the sounds of cars as they rolled by the walkway at the top of the hall. The reassuring smell of the mango trees almost desolate of fruit, the students were not allowed but it was not impossible to steal a fruit or two for lunch.
Hate, I recognize it when I see it in someone’s eyes. What should I have expected, since that fight between us, we have not spoken to each other. Even though I harbor no bad feelings, she seems to have written me off. Being a good friend I recognize when it is best to leave things alone and move on.
In my sadness, I cannot deny I felt bad. It was funny I was determined myself, keep from her. But in my weakness, I am missing her. Why is it I do not want to see her and I want to? Is this normal? Tiffany why did this have to occur, over a pencil of all things?
Walking with Maria, I tried to remain strong. Maria was tired from today’s academic arena, she was sleuthed over with her parachute size bag to accompany her restrained enthusiasm.
We got two pop quizzes today, so class felt detached. History homework I was looking to avoid but I avoided too much homework as it is.
It was hard for me to accept the change in seats like the obvious change in our distance. Tiffany was behind me now walking with Stephan and Riana. Her slow pace was on purpose, least she walk into me.
It was the same in class, she now sat two chairs behind me. How have things changed, yet I accepted them. Do I like it? No, I do not even like Maria that much either, she was a bit of a complainer.
Somewhat like you, you always took serious care of your life. Complaining about people who waste your time and waste opportunity, Maria complained about everything, literally.
Like a person who never knew happiness, that was Maria. Not that I minded, I thought of these things all in good spirit. The good times I miss walking forward never looking back was not an option I must remand strong just like you.
You were always the stronger of us, always reliable while I lied and disappointed a lot. Now I was the victor and would stay as such.
What did I win though? A messed up assumption I won because you did not fight back because the girls teased you and I did not defend you, like a mean-spirited girl watching her prey suffer.
The pencil that was fought over was yours, now it is mine. A dumb misunderstanding in retrospect, I do not like being bothered. You bother me over a pencil you loaned me ages ago for a test I did in physics.
Overreaction and a bad choice of words later we are in a mortal battle, over a pencil.
Yes, I won and you loss. Happy in that respect and in that order, I was to be awarded your silence and never to be spoken to again by you.
That fact set in, to be honest, it felt immense. My heart sped up as I breathed out. Why was it so hard to accept this, this loneliness? Was it because we were friends truly? Well I destroyed something sacred for my own mischievous fun.
Reaching the top of the hall, we stopped as Maria twisted her head at a boy who decided to engage her in conversation. Maria did not seem to know him, since I sought my bed I could care less for such discussions and introductions to be made.
Reaching for Maria’s hand, I hear something, turning I look behind me to see Stephan waving at me. In between, him was Riana and Tiffany.
Tiffany was saying something to Riana about a song. She only shook her head and joined Stephan in waving at me.
“Janelle see you tomorrow,” Riana said.
I smiled and shook my head at them.
They turn to leave, her eyes had not touched my face all that time and a compulsion came over me.
“You too, Tiffany, bye.” She stopped and turned to look at me, those eyes held no hate only wonder. Riana stopped to peer at the scene, face swept with curiosity.
The classmates were not idiots, from the day she moved her seating the tension in the class was high. Riana knew.
Tiffany stared at me for a long time but said nothing much less showed any emotion. Walking off Riana gawked at me then at Tiffany leaving. Returning to Tiffany’s side with a run, they left without hesitation.
A surprise came in the fact that Maria was beside me, with a wry smile on her face.
I and Maria continued on, I felt a little better her eyes held no hate. Maybe she did not hate me, maybe it was just a sign of the times.
Even if I apologized which I have not done, would it make a difference?
The past cannot change, what happened will always linger over us continuing forward. Could we really look beyond that? Maybe you are right in not talking to me, it is better this way. The best way to heal the pain of it.
If you will not talk to me then I will not either. You were right when you were talking about some people. I know I will be lapped up in that category.
That is fine with me, I already gave up just like you.
As we near the gate, students run pass us as the wind lifts my skirt sporadically. The day will end soon, the wind will cry foul and I will see no evil. Sometimes it is better to give up on someone. Sometimes it is better to move on.